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05 February 2006 @ 07:55 pm
I review the Super Bowl commercials, part 1  
It is only 6:35 and John Madden has already mentioned the fact that "this crowd is definitely a Steeler crowd" three times. Tom Brady was looking rather dashing in his black velvet jacket, although of course we would prefer to see him in uniform today.

ok, on to the commercials:

hidden Bud Light in the office and "magic revolving fridge:" First of all, I would rather drink llama piss. Secondly, I would rather drink llama piss. I will not mention any other Bud Light commercials tonight unless they do one that is remotely clever, like that old one with the falcon that stole beer from restaurants.

whopper musical number: Attractive women dressed as food pig piling on top of each other to form a Whopper, with that creepy king running around. Every fat American heterosexual male's fantasy? Eating women? Eating... wait... this is a GREAT commercial...

Fed-Ex cavemen: Dinosaurs and cavemen never lived at the same time. And if you are not going to be historically accurate, you should at least be funny. Sorry Fed-Ex, GEICO wins the caveman battle.

V for Vendetta: I want to see this movie very badly

Diet Pepsi and Diddy music video: "Brown and Bubbly?" So appropriate that the title also describes diarrhea.

Leonard Nimoy needs Aleve to make the Star Trek sign: Trekkies ... (shudder)

Diet Pepsi and Jackie Chan: a Diet Coke can serves as Diet Pepsi's stunt double. Wait, what?

Kid on a swing grows up fast and knocks dad on his ass: Ok, I kind of laughed at this one.

streaking Budweiser sheep: How many dancing/talking/football-playing computer animated animals can commercials feature? My GRANDMA finds stuff like this funny. Next.

Mobile ESPN commercial: "Sports heaven" - very, very cool - my favorite so far.

Careerbuilder.com: Chimps in an office, dressed in shirts and ties and dancing/creating general mayhem to "C'mon Feel the Noize?" Now THIS is a great animal commercial, and with NO computer animation.

Dove campaign for making girls feel pretty: this is that commercial that you can't really make fun of because you feel bad about it.

Kermit the Frog hybrid Ford SUV: I love Kermit the Frog. But why is he in a car commercial? He can't drive. He doesn't have thumbs.

Michelob Amber: co-ed tackle football: Ok, I don't get the whole "light beer just got darker" thing, and I would no more drink Michelob than I would Bud Light, but this commercial was way funnier than the Bud ones. Which is to say, it was MILDLY amusing. I chuckled.

godaddy.com: old guy needs more oxygen because of giant fake boobs. yawn.

Gillette Fusion: I really doubt that Gillette labs look like that. With attractive people in lab coats using colored radioactive glowing gel to magically produce a razor with FIVE BLADES?! And who says women always want the guy with the smooth face? I mean, stubble can be awfully attractive, and it feels amazing during sex. And men who shave/wax their chest hair = gross. I like me a man with some testosterone. As James Bond says, "Birds never nest in bare trees." But if you have the hairy back, ok, that shit's got to go.

End of first half. To be continued...